Mother by Design

 “But where sin abounded, grace abounded much more.”  Romans 5:20

Tamar is an interesting study.  We don’t know much about her, and what we do know doesn’t show her in a very good light.  However, she is one of the few women mentioned in the genealogy of Jesus!

Jacob and Leah’s 4th son, Judah,  married a Canaanite woman by the name of Shua.  Shua gave birth to 3 sons, Er, Onan, and Shelah.  Once Er was grown, Judah found a wife for him – Tamar.  Er, however, was a wicked man, and the Lord killed him.

Er did not yet have any children when he died, and it was the custom in those days that when a man died, his brother would marry the widow in order to produce an heir for the deceased man.  Therefore, Judah had Onan marry Tamar in order to produce an heir for Er.

Onan was also a wicked person, and did not take well to the thought of producing an heir that was not his own.   The Bible says that he made sure he did not by “emitting on the ground” rather than risk impregnating Tamar.  This greatly displeased the Lord, and He killed Onan, also.

Shelah was the next in line.  Apparently, he wasn’t fully grown to manhood, so Judah sent Tamar home to her father’s house to wait until Shelah was grown and could take her as a wife.  However, Judah was afraid that his youngest son would be the next to die if he married Tamar, so he did not follow through on his promise when Shelah was grown.

Judah’s wife, Shua died, and, after the period of mourning for her was over, he decided to go visit his friend who lived near Tamar’s family.  When Tamar heard that he was coming and realized that it wasn’t likely that she was going to be given to Shelah as a wife, she took the matter of producing an heir to her first husband into her own hands.  Tamar took off her widow’s garments and dressed herself as a prostitute, complete with a heavy veil so that her identity could not be known, and positioned herself along the route she knew Judah would travel.  Sure enough, Judah came by, assumed she was a prostitute and asked for her services, promising a young goat in payment.  Tamar wanted assurance of payment, however, and asked for a pledge, or security deposit.  She didn’t want just anything, but she wanted something that would positively identify the owner.  She asked for his signet ring and cord and his staff, something that has been compared to a modern-day person leaving their drivers’ license and credit card.  He apparently complied without hesitation.

Once Judah left, Tamar removed the prostitute’s veil and put on her widow’s garments, continuing her life of waiting in her father’s home.  When Judah’s friend came with the promised payment of the goat to exchange for the signet ring, cord, and staff, the prostitute was no where to be found.  He even asked the locals where she was and was told that there was no prostitute in that place.  Judah decided to be content with leaving his security deposit as payment, feeling he had done what he could to pay what he owed.

After 3 months, however, it was evident that Tamar was pregnant, and Judah was told about it.  Having no idea who the father was (and possibly thinking he could now get rid of the problem of having to give her to his youngest son), he was furious with his daughter-in-law and ordered that she be brought out and burned for her obvious adultery.  However, Tamar brought out the signet ring, cord, and staff that she had been given as a security deposit and asked Judah to identify them, saying that the owner of those items was the father of the child she carried.

Judah was stuck, and acknowledged that she had been more righteous than he had been, for she had been trying to raise up the rightful heir to her husband while he had neglected to follow through on his promise to have his youngest son produce that heir.

As it turned out, Tamar was actually carrying twins.  When she was giving birth, a hand was the presenting body part, and the midwife quickly tied a scarlet thread around the hand to identify the firstborn.  However, the child pulled his hand back, and his brother was born first.  The surprised midwife exclaimed that he had “breached” or broken through, so he was named Perez (meaning “breach” or “breakthrough”).  Afterwards, the baby with the scarlet thread was born and was named Zerah (meaning “scarlet”).

In spite of the very wrong way that Tamar went about doing the right thing, the Lord in His grace honored Tamar in a very significant way.  To start with, her great-great-great-great grandson married Rahab, the prostitute who sheltered the Israelite spies in Jericho, and together they had Boaz, who married Ruth the Moabitess.  When Ruth married Boaz, she was given the following blessing:  ”May your house be like the house of Perez, whom Tamar bore to Judah, because of the offspring which the LORD will give you from this young woman.”  (Ruth 4:12)  (Stay tuned – we’ll cover Rahab and Ruth in the near future, Lord willing!)   Boaz and Ruth were great-grandparents to King David.

The most important descendant, though was Jesus, the Son of God, the Messiah of Israel, the Savior.  How wonderful it is to serve a God who is merciful enough to use us for His glory in spite of our shortcomings!

“So they said,’We will call the young woman and ask her personally.’  Then they called Rebekah and said to her, ‘Will you go with this man?’ And she said, ‘I will go.’”  Genesis 24:57-58

 After Sarah died, Abraham called his most trusted servant to him and gave him the task of finding a wife for Isaac.  The servant was only to look among Abraham’s relatives, going back to the country of his birth to do so.  The servant was not to look among the Canaanites where Abraham lived, nor was he to take Isaac away from Canaan.  If no wife could be found among Abraham’s relatives that was willing to come back with him to Canaan, the servant would have been released from the job.

When the servant got to the city of Abraham’s birth, he saw that it was the time that the young ladies of the city were coming out to the well to draw water.  He prayed that the Lord would direct him to the right girl by having her come to the well and offer not only to give him a drink, but to draw water to give a drink to the 10 thirsty camels in his caravan.   That was a pretty tall order, but the servant had no sooner finished praying than a young lady came to the well and drew a pitcher of water.  The servant asked her for a drink from her pitcher.  When he had finished drinking, the young lady said, “I will draw water for your camels also, until they have finished drinking.”

Talk about a quick and complete answer to prayer!  The servant seemed certain enough that this was the right girl that he took out jewelry for her, but he still needed confirmation.  He asked her whose daughter she was, and whether or not there would be room in her father’s house for his caravan to stay.  The Lord had indeed led him, for the young lady was the granddaughter of Abraham’s brother.

The servant was warmly welcomed into the home, and he quickly made known his errand.  The young lady, whose name was Rebekah, was asked whether or not she was willing to go with the servant  when he started his return journey the next day, and she answered, “I will go”.  She was sent off with the blessing of her family, who said to her, “Our sister, may you become the mother of thousands of ten thousands; and may your descendants possess the gates of those who hate them.”

The entourage returned to Isaac, and Rebekah became his wife.  We read that Isaac loved her, and so was comforted after his mother’s death.

Although the Lord had promised Abraham that it would be through Isaac’s descendants that His covenant would be established, and in spite of the blessing given her by her family, Rebekah was barren.  Isaac pleaded with the Lord on behalf of his wife, and Rebekah finally conceived twins.  The twins fought even in her womb, and she was afraid that something was wrong.  The Lord told her that the struggling twins were the beginnings of two nations.  He also told her that, in contrast to the custom of the day, the older would serve the younger.

Twenty years after getting married, Rebekah gave birth to her twin boys.  The first came out red and hairy, and was named Esau (or hairy).  The second came out holding onto Esau’s heel, so they called him Jacob (or supplanter).  Esau grew up to be a skillful hunter who was happiest outdoors, while Jacob was mild-mannered and happier close to home, cooking among other things.  Unfortunately, Isaac and Rebekah each had their favorite, with Isaac preferring Esau and Rebekah preferring Jacob.  I’m sure that didn’t help matters when it came to sibling rivalry!

At some point after reaching manhood, Esau came in from the field so hungry that he was willing to trade the birthright that was rightfully his as the eldest for a mere meal of stew and bread that Jacob was cooking.  I don’t know whether or not Isaac and Rebekah were aware of this exchange, but it was the beginning of the fulfillment of the prophecy given to Rebekah.  Rather than trusting God to complete the prophecy however, Rebekah took matters into her own hands some years later.   At the age of 40, Esau married two wives from among the local people, and the Bible says that they were a grief of mind to Isaac and Rebekah.

As Isaac aged, he became blind, and it got to a point where he believed he was near death.  (It would actually be several more decades before he died.)  He told Esau to go hunting and prepare him his favorite meal, and he would give him the blessing customarily given to the eldest son.  Rebekah overheard the plans and decided that she would make sure Jacob got that blessing instead of Esau.  She devised an elaborate plan to deceive blind Isaac, even overcoming the differences in the twins.  Esau was hairy and smelled of the outdoors, while Jacob was smooth and did not smell like he spent as much time outdoors.  Rebekah used 2 goat kids to cook a meal like the one Esau was going to prepare, put Esau’s clothes onto Jacob and covered his hands and neck with the skin of the goat kids, and told him to go in to Isaac pretending to be Esau.  When Jacob protested that he would bring a curse on himself rather than a blessing if he were found out, Rebekah told him to obey her voice, and any curse would be on her.

The plan worked, and Isaac blessed Jacob.  Included in the blessing were these words:  ”Let peoples serve you, and nations bow down to you.  Be master over your brethren, and let your mother’s sons bow down to you.  Cursed be everyone who curses you, and blessed be those who bless you!”

Of course, when Esau returned and discovered that his blessing had been taken, he was in a murderous rage, promising to kill him as soon as their father died.  To protect Jacob, Rebekah went to Isaac and complained about Esau’s wives, asking him to send Jacob to her brother to find a wife.  Isaac agreed, and sent Jacob away to his uncle’s house to find a wife.

Rebekah never saw Jacob again.  Jacob ended up staying with his uncle for 20 years, and Rebekah was no longer living when he returned.  (Isaac, however, lived quite a few more years after Jacob returned.)  Perhaps that was the curse she received for her scheme.  However, the Lord’s promise was indeed fulfilled in Jacob, whose name was later changed to Israel.

 ”Is anything too hard for the LORD? At the appointed time I will return to you, according to the time of life, and Sarah shall have a son.”  Genesis 18:14 

Sarah was a beautiful woman.  In fact, she was so beautiful, and aged so gracefully, that she was briefly taken in to a king’s harem in her late 80s!  (The king was under the impression that she was unmarried, but released her to her husband as soon as he realized his mistake.)  However, she was lacking something – something she had longed for, dreamed of, hoped for, and even been promised.  That something was a child, born of her womb.  Sarah was barren.

We saw with Sarah’s maidservant, Hagar, that Sarah had even tried to do as some in her culture did by using her maidservant to bear her husband’s child and then claim that child for her own.  That had backfired, however, and ended up with the maid thinking herself superior to her mistress and becoming difficult to live with.  It doesn’t appear that Sarah felt much like the child was hers, either!

Fast forward 13 years.  Sarah was now 89 years old and her husband, Abraham was 99.  In spite of the impossibly advanced ages, the Lord told Abraham that Ishamael, his 13-year-old son by Hagar, was NOT the one who was to be the heir.  Instead, the Lord was going to give a son to Abraham and Sarah through Sarah’s own womb.  Ha!  Abraham and Sarah both laughed at the idea!  Imagine a 90-year-old woman and her 100-year-old husband becoming new parents!

“By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised. ”  Hebrews 11:11

“With men it is impossible, but not with God; for with God all things are possible.”  Mark 10:27   As God had promised, Sarah did give birth to a son at the age of 90.  Abraham named him Isaac, which means laughter, and Sarah said, “God has made me laugh, and all who hear will laugh with me.”

Can you imagine the incredible joy Sarah felt as she nuzzled her baby – HER baby – close to her?  I have felt the awe as I watched one of my own precious little ones.  Imagine how much greater that awe would have been for Sarah, who had literally waited a lifetime for this gift.  Indeed, she had long ago given up her dream of nurturing her own child.  The dream was not only restored, but wonderfully fulfilled!

There was a fly in the ointment, however:  there was this other son of Abraham who was now in his teens.  His mother had apparently passed on her feeling of superiority, and Sarah saw Ishmael mocking her precious little one at the party Abraham gave to celebrate Isaac’s weaning.  That was the last straw!  Sarah was no longer willing to put up with her nemesis, and asked her husband to send away “this bondwoman and her son”.  It grieved Abraham to do so, since Ishmael was also his son, but the Lord told him to go ahead and listen to Sarah.  The Lord told him that he would make Ishmael the father of a nation as well, but it would be Isaac with whom He would establish His covenant.

That is the last that we read of Sarah until we read of her death at the age of 127.  Isaac would have been 37 by that time.  Reading between the lines, we can see that Sarah was deeply loved by both her husband and her son.  We see that Abraham mourned and wept for his wife and then purchased a plot of ground for her burial.  3 years later, we see Isaac receiving Rebekah as a bride and read that it was then that he was comforted after the death of his mother.

“Then she called the name of the Lord who spoke to her, You-Are-the-God-Who-Sees; for she said, ‘Have I also here seen Him who sees me?’”  Genesis 16:13

It seemed to me to be a little odd to consider Hagar as the second mother in this series, but she is the second mother chronicled in the Bible.

Hagar was the personal maid of Abraham’s wife, Sarah.  When Abraham was promised a son by God in his old age and it didn’t look possible for the 75-year-old Sarah to bear that son, Sarah suggested to Abraham that he try to conceive a son with Hagar.  In those days, a maid was the personal property of her mistress, and any child born to her would have been considered as belonging to the mistress.  Therefore, Sarah could give her maid to her husband and claim the child as her own.

Hagar did conceive, and the fact that she was able to get pregnant while her mistress was barren made her despise her mistress.  Apparently, she made this feeling very well known, as it wasn’t long before Sarah was complaining about it to Abraham, and Abraham told her to do what she pleased with the maid.  Sarah was harsh with Hagar, to the point where Hagar ran away.

There must have been some desperation on Hagar’s part to run away!  It wasn’t like they were living in a populated area, but out in the wilderness.  A young woman alone would have been easy prey for anyone who happened to find her – man or beast.  She likely had no skill or weapons for hunting, and there were no nearby towns where she could go for help.

Imagine the shock this young woman got when the Angel of the Lord appeared to her out in the wilderness by a spring of water and asked her where she was going!  I don’t know if Hagar knew at first that this wasn’t a mere man, but we do know that she figured it out pretty quickly.  In fact, Hagar recognizes that this wasn’t even just an angel, but the Lord Himself, when she refers to Him as “the God who sees”.

The Lord told Hagar to return to her mistress and submit herself to her.  Furthermore, He told her that she would give birth to a son and was to name him Ishmael.  As far as we can tell, Hagar obeyed, because we read that Hagar bore Abraham a son, but we don’t read any more of her for more than 15 years.

Sarah did bear a son to Abraham, as promised by the Lord, and named him Isaac.  There was a celebration held on the day that he was weaned, and on that day, Sarah saw Ishmael mocking her son.  That was the last straw for her, and Hagar soon found herself in the wilderness again – this time with a teenaged Ishmael after they were sent away by Abraham at Sarah’s request.

Whereas the first time, Hagar had found a spring of water, this time they wandered around until their water supply was used up and Ishmael became faint with thirst.  Hagar put Ishmael under the shade of a bush and went a distance away, because she could not stand to watch him die.  Once again, she was found by an angel of God.

The angel told Hagar that God was going to make Ishmael a great nation, and then opened her eyes to a well of water.  Hagar gave her son a drink, and he revived.  The only other thing we read about Hagar is that she found a wife for Ishmael.

How is my attitude?  Do I, like Hagar, ever think I am better than someone else because … I homeschool … I try to serve healthy meals … I have been married over 20 years … I have older children … I have a dog … I make my own hummus … I have younger children … I use a different curriculum … I drive a Ford … I have Boy Scouts … I like kale …?  I don’t have to say anything for a better-than-you attitude to come through.  Worse yet, I can pass that attitude on to my children, so that they display it toward others, as well.

On the other hand, am I obedient to submit even when circumstances are hard?  There are certainly times when I feel like running away from it all, just as Hagar did when Sarah treated her harshly.  Some days, I just don’t want to be the mother.  The job is too hard, the children aren’t getting along, the laundry is unending, no one likes the dinner I have worked hard to serve, I’m tired – you get the picture.  Hagar did go back to Sarah and submit herself to her for more than 15 years.  Am I willing to continue to submit to the occupation the Lord has given to me?

Finally, no matter how bad things get, I can trust the Lord to provide.  When Sarah finally had Abraham send Hagar away because of Ishmael’s behavior, the Lord met her and assured her of his plan for her son.  It certainly wasn’t because Hagar was such a wonderful person, but the the Lord is a God of grace and mercy.  He had promised Abraham that Ishmael would become the father of a great nation, and He made provision to bring that to pass.  I have been promised an inheritance in the Lord Jesus Christ – not because of anything I have done, but because of Christ’s work on the cross, and I can trust that the God of grace and mercy will provide for me, as well.

“To the woman He said:
‘I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception;
In pain you shall bring forth children;’” Genesis 3:16

“And Adam called his wife’s name Eve, because she was the mother of all living.”  Genesis 3:20

I have decided to do a study of mothers in the Bible.  The obvious starting point is Eve, the very first mother.

We really don’t know a lot about Eve, other than that she was deceived by the serpent into taking the forbidden fruit and that she was the first mother.  We are told that she gave birth to and named Cain (meaning “acquired”), saying “I have acquired a man from the Lord.”  Then we are told that she gave birth to Abel, and finally that she gave birth to and named Seth (meaning “appointed” or “substituted”), saying, “For God has appointed another seed for me instead of Abel, whom Cain killed.”  Of course, we also know that she gave birth to many other children, but we are not told anything about those children.

Although the other details of Eve’s life are not specified, I think we can safely assume some of them.  Can you imagine giving birth that first time?  Remember that first time you held your little one in your arms?  Remember that awe you felt looking at those tiny fingers, those tiny toes?  Remember being at a loss as how to care for such a tiny, fragile little package?  Remember the relief at there being someone there – a nurse, midwife, or mother – who had experience and could show you what to do?!

Those of us who have given birth to children are very familiar with the pain promised to Eve as a consequence of her sin.  Yet I wonder if the pain of childbirth itself is the only pain referred to here.  Has there ever been any mother who has lived to see her children grow to adulthood who has not also known pain in watching them make wrong choices?

With some children, the pain can start early.   I have one child who started throwing full-blown temper tantrums at only two months of age.  I didn’t have any idea that such a thing was even possible at that age!  Then there are the two-year-olds who say things like, “I hate you, Mommy,” when Mommy has just spent the whole day doing something special with the child but has had to say no to something the child asks for.  As siblings come along, there are the fights between the children which grow in intensity as they get older.  A child nearing puberty has increasing periods of sullenness and is more and more prone to backtalk.  Children in their teens are quite certain they know better than their parents, and are quite willing to tell them just how wrongly they are handling things.  And, in far too many cases, choices made in the teen and early adulthood years (or later) result in long-lasting consequences that can break their mother’s heart.

For Eve, I think it is safe to imagine that she was troubled as her oldest two children exhibited rivalry as they grew to adulthood.  She likely watched in sorrow as her firstborn rejected the Word of the Lord and insisted on doing things his own way.  And imagine the depth of her grief when her firstborn grew so resentful that he actually killed his brother.  How many times did she weep bitterly, wondering how different things would have been if she had obeyed the Lord back in the garden?

In 3 John 1:4, John states, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth.”  Could it also be said that a mother has no greater sorrow than to hear that her children do NOT walk in truth?

When I was growing up, my mom used to tell me the story of my birth 7 1/2 weeks early, and how there was a point when they were not sure that I would live.  She prayed at that time that if I would not grow up to know and love the Lord Jesus, that He would take me then as an infant so that she would know that I was in Heaven.  I have prayed the same for each of my children.  So far, I believe that 7 of my 8 children have placed their trust in Jesus.  (Number 8 is only two years old.)   I have 3 in Heaven who were taken before they were born, and it is a joy to know that they are safe in the Everlasting Arms.

However, I have come to realize that it is not enough just to know that my children are saved.  My greatest desire for them is that they not only find forgiveness of sin, but that their lives honor and glorify the Lord.

While Eve faced the consequences of pain in bearing children, she was also given the promise that one of her descendants would be the Deliverer from sin.  She was comforted after Abel’s death by the birth of Seth.  While she no doubt grieved at the waywardness of many of her grandchildren and great grandchildren, she did have the joy of seeing some of Seth’s descendants walk with the Lord.   I have no idea how much more time we have here on earth, but I pray that all of my descendants will walk with the Lord!