Mother By Design

Child Training

April 4th, 2009

“Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6

Susanna Annesley Wesley (1669-1742) was the mother of John and Charles Wesley, the founders of the Methodist Church. Susanna was the youngest of 25 children, and grew up to give birth to 19 children of her own. Only 10 of those children survived infancy. Although Susanna was deeply religious, setting aside 2 hours per day for prayer and raising her children for the Lord, it was not until late in her life that she was brought to salvation through the testimony of her sons. (John and Charles were saved while on a missionary trip to Georgia, and then their testimony brought Susanna to see that her salvation could come only through grace, not of her own works.)

Several years ago, I came across this list that Susanna Wesley supposedly used in raising her children. While I may not agree with every single one, I think they provide a good example and definite food for thought.

Susanna Wesley’s Rules for Child-Training

1. No eating between meals.

2. All children in bed by 8:00 p.m.

3. Take your medicine without complaining.

4. Subdue self will in each child.

5. Work with God to save the soul of each child.

6. Teach each child to pray as soon as he can speak.

7. Require all to be still during family worship.

8. Give children nothing they cry for.

9. Give them only what they ask for politely.

10. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed.

11. Do not allow a sinful act to go unpunished.

12. Command and reward good behavior.

13. Preserve property rights, even in the smallest matters.

14. Strictly observe all promises.

15. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.

16. Teach children to fear the rod.

Posted in Children, Mothers

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One of a Kind

April 3rd, 2009

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet to the nations.” Jeremiah 1:5

What is it that makes each child so very different? Just how many opposites can you have?! Even from the womb I have noticed significant differences. For instance, although most babies would stop kicking when “Daddy” would try to feel the kicks, number 5 seemed to say, “Ah, it’s Daddy. Time to practice Karate!” I didn’t even feel baby number 7 moving until I was 20 weeks along, yet I have literally felt this one since I was only 12 weeks. (I wouldn’t have believed it if I hadn’t watched the baby moving the screen during an ultrasound and realized that what I was feeling very definitely coincided with the movements I felt!) Now that I am 20 weeks along and feel the strong kicks of my unborn child, I wonder how it is possible that I was only starting to feel the last baby at this point.

As soon as they are born, we see more personality differences. Some are “good” babies who sleep a lot and are content when they are awake. Others have us walking a path in the living room night after night. As they get a little older, we see differences in their tempers. My sixth baby threw her first full-blown temper tantrum at only 2 months of age. I didn’t know what to do with a tantrum in an infant that young! However, I think number seven was almost a year old before he really threw a temper tantrum. Then some exhibit the “terrible twos” way before they turn two, and others have more of what I have called the “terrific twos”. Of course, the older they get, the more and more we see changes in their personalities.

When I only had 3 or 4 children, I used to say that I had 3 or 4 opposites. Now that I am expecting number 8, I’m not sure that I can continue to say that they are all opposites, but they are still very different from each other. Of course, now and then I see similarities, but only in a few areas. Each child is still very much his own person.

I believe that these differences can only be evidence of the hand of a Creator. There is no way that there could be so much individuality by random chance! But even more, it is evidence that we were created by a loving God. Only a loving God would care so much about us that He would make us each unique. There is no one else just like me, and there is no one else just like you. God took the time to form each of us to reflect a small part of His own character, but in a different way than anyone else! And to think that not only did He make me different from anyone else, but He also had a plan for my life before He ever began to form me in the womb is just mind boggling.

Posted in Children, The Christian Life

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The Unclouded Day

April 2nd, 2009

“The city had no need of the sun or of the moon to shine in it, for the glory of God illuminated it. The Lamb is its light.” Revelation 21:23

I love sunshine! While I know that the spring showers are necessary to bring the green and the flowers that I love so well, it is hard for me to feel my best on a cloudy overcast day. But give me sunshine shining in the window and let me see the trees illuminated in the yard, and I feel myself taking deeper breaths and holding my head higher. Even the bright glare off my computer screen in the morning is not enough to make me wish to pull the blinds!

The winter days are never long enough for me. I love the longer days now that we are into spring, and enjoy knowing that the days will continue to get longer for a few more months. I look forward to the sun rising earlier and earlier, and I can hardly wait for the days when the children will go to bed before dark has fully set in. Soon there will be light after dinner for family walks or enjoying the garden after we’ve eaten of its bounty. I don’t even want to think about the fact that, in a few months, the trend will be reversed, and the days will once again get shorter.

Some day, we will be in a land where there will be no need of the sun, but we will never wish for more light. The Lord Himself will be the Light, and we will never feel any lack! There will be no shadows, no clouds to dim the Light. There won’t be any need for artificial light, and we won’t ever suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), either. Never again will we long for the sunshine, for we will be able to bask in the glow of the Son. What a day that will be!

Posted in The Christian Life

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Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

April 1st, 2009

“For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:13-14

20-week-ultrasound2

Yesterday, I had my 20-week ultrasound. I love watching the little one move around on the screen! Of course, as the tech is focusing in on certain parts, like the femur, or the fingers, or the heart, sometimes I wonder how in the world they have any idea of what they’re looking at. But even more than that, I wonder how in the world anyone can look at the intricacies of that tiny human form and not recognize that there HAS to be a designer. There is no way that all of those interworking systems could be the result of random chance.

Oh, for those who are wondering: No, I did not find out whether the baby is boy or a girl. We have been surprised by each of the other babies, and we didn’t have a good enough reason to not be surprised this time! ;-) What is more important is that the baby looks healthy and is growing at an appropriate rate. The baby weighs about 13 ounces and and is somewhere around 10 inches long. The baby will be here in our arms before we know it!

Posted in Children

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Desires of My Heart

March 30th, 2009

“Delight yourself also in the LORD,And He shall give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

Have you ever noticed that the more toys/gifts our children are given, the more they want and the less satisfied they are? For that matter, we can be the same way. When there is an abundance of things, we tend to be a little more careless of them, so they break more quickly or lose their luster. There is always a newer, bigger, better thing that we think we want. There is always something else that we think we need to make us happy.

What are my hearts desires? Are they for pretty clothes? A nicer car? A bigger house? Nicer furniture? Time to take up a hobby? Money for all of the above?

There is nothing wrong with any of those things, but they should not be the deep desires of my heart. To be honest, yes, I would like all of those things. I don’t believe that they are what is being promised in this verse, though. If I am delighting myself in the Lord, these will not be the deep desires of my heart. I will desire the things that have more of an eternal significance. Things like children who are walking with and serving the Lord, a happy and fulfilling marriage, and a life that glorifies the Lord will be more important to me than material things.

Just as I delight to give gifts to my children, I believe that the Lord also delights to give us material gifts. However, I will be more thankful for them, more content, when my desires are for the things of eternal value. It seems almost like a contradiction, but I will enjoy the material gifts more when they mean less to me. On the other hand, if I can look back on my life when I come to the end of the road and see a husband who knows that he was loved, respected, and cherished, children who are living for the Lord, and people who were brought closer to the Lord through my life, I can have the contentment of knowing that my life was worth living. Those are the things that really matter, but those are the things that I will only see if I delight myself in the Lord.

Posted in Daily Life

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His plans, or mine?

March 24th, 2009

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11

13 years ago today, I became a mother for the 4th time. My older children were 5, 3, and 1, and I had been feeling very overwhelmed. My 3 year-old was especially a challenge – I had never imagined that a little one could be so creative in finding ways to get into trouble! Throughout my pregnancy, I had been telling the Lord that He had given me more than I could handle.

I still don’t really understand it, but somehow, that 4th child made life easier from the day he was born. It did help that he was the first child that didn’t have to go back to the hospital to spend time in NICU! But whatever the reasons, I found myself more relaxed, I laughed more, and I handled motherhood more easily. Don’t get me wrong – I still had lots of days when I felt overwhelmed, but those days were fewer than before #4 was born.

How many times have I gone back to the lesson that the Lord taught me with that 4th child! I realized that, rather than giving me more than I could handle, the Lord had given me exactly what I needed. He saw the big picture, not just the little part that I could see. Where I was overwhelmed and wondered how I could possibly handle another baby, the Lord knew that I NEEDED that baby. He knew that what I thought would certainly add to my burden would actually lighten that burden. It STILL doesn’t make sense to me, but I’m glad that I didn’t insist on having my own way!

Corrie ten Boom used to give the analogy of watching someone making a tapestry – from beneath the cloth. What looked like tangled threads and splotchy colors was a beautiful picture when viewed from the top. The tangled threads that I see in my life don’t look much like a work of beauty to me, but the Lord is expertly crafting something of His design. I can’t wait to get to the other side that so I can see the finished work! :-)

In the meantime, 13 years after learning a little more about trusting the Lord, I am still very thankful for my 4th child. And, yes, those who know him would not be surprised to hear that he still makes my life easier in many ways. Happy Birthday, Son!

Posted in Mothers, Reliance on the Lord

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Running with endurance

March 19th, 2009

“Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” Hebrews 12:1

A few people know that, after 7 pregnancies during which I struggled with gestational diabetes, I was diagnosed with Type II diabetes just a few weeks before finding out that I was pregnant with the baby I am now carrying. Because I had not yet had time after the diagnosis to get my blood sugars under control, there was concern about how the high blood sugars would affect the newly developing baby.

When I was merely 6 weeks along, I was put onto a rather high amount of insulin taken in 4 daily doses in order to get my blood sugars down as quickly as possible. That high amount was still not enough, and the dosages were raised the following week. However, I had come across the book Eat for Health written by a family practice physician ( Dr. Joel Fuhrman ) in New Jersey that detailed an eating plan that had reversed diabetes in thousands of patients. The basis of this eating plan is the formula “Health=Nutrients/Calorie”. In other words, you focus on eating the foods that have the highest number of nutrients per calorie (green veggies!) to build/rebuild your health. I got my doctor’s permission to follow the diet, although he told me that it wouldn’t make any difference in my blood sugar levels.

Dr. Fuhrman has a member site with an “Ask the doctor” forum, so I joined and asked him what I needed to know before starting the diet. He told me that I needed to immediately cut my insulin levels in half, because my blood sugars would drop rapidly when I started eating as he recommended. Sure enough, after one week, my blood sugars were lower on half of the prescribed insulin than they had been with the higher dose. Within just a few weeks, I was only needing to take one dose of insulin per day to manage my fasting blood sugar levels.

While my levels continued to be good during the day, I have had to continue taking the insulin at night, and it has even increased some as my pregnancy has progressed. To be honest, I was getting discouraged. Even though I’m still taking far less insulin than I was originally prescribed, I stopped seeing the tremendous results that I was getting in the first few weeks. It’s true that I can’t follow the aggressive eating plan that would likely help me get quicker results, because I do need to consider the fact that I am building a baby! However, my discouragement was causing me to get a little more and more lax in what I was eating.

Well, I think that the Lord has given me the encouragement I need to press on. I got a call from my doctor this morning with the results of my latest blood test. This test was a hemoglobin A1C test, which basically gives a snapshot of how my blood sugar levels have averaged over the last 2-3 months. The way I have been eating has brought my average levels down to non-diabetic levels! (For those who understand the numbers, I started out with a level of 7.1 last fall, went down to 6.1 after just 1 month on the eating plan, and am now down to a very normal 5.4. My O.B. had wanted me down below 6, and I’m well below that!)

I am thankful that the Lord understands my need for encouragement. Yes, I should have just kept my eye on the goal of health for the baby and for me, but I felt like I wasn’t seeing the results that I wanted. I continued to eat right about 95% of the time, but I had started to allow little “extras” here and there – and those extras were increasing. Now that I have seen concrete evidence that I am on the right path, I feel like I have the boost needed to keep running the race.

How many other areas of my life are there where I have started to allow “extras” to creep in? In how many other areas have I gotten discouraged that I am not seeing the results that I think I should be seeing? Am I tempted to let things slide in my training of the children? Am I tempted to not try as hard in homeschooling? Unfortunately, the answer to those questions is often “yes”.

Thankfully, the Lord often sends along encouragement in those areas, as well. Yet, just as I wonder how much better my results would be right now if I hadn’t allowed those extras into my diet, I also have to wonder how much better my results would be now in other areas of my life where I have let things slide. Furthermore, how will I ever hear “Well done, thou good and faithful servant” if I take my eyes off the goal to look at my discouragement? I guess that I can take heart from the Lord’s response to Peter when Peter was walking on the water and took his eyes of the Lord to notice the storm around him. As the Lord reached down to pull Peter out of the water, He said, “Oh you of little faith, why did you doubt?” But the Lord didn’t give up on Peter, who grew to be used mightily of the Lord. Hopefully, I will also grow in my usefulness to the Lord with fewer stops to focus on my circumstance.

Posted in Daily Life

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Spring is on its way!

March 18th, 2009

“The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land.” Song of Solomon 2:12

Spring. It’s my hands-down favorite time of year. The dormancy of winter makes me feel as if I just want to crawl into bed and sleep until spring. Then, as I see signs of new life in the baby greens and the glimpses of color, I feel like I’m starting to come back to life as well.

So far, I’ve only seen the barest hint of green and the crocuses are a gorgeous purple. I was on the other side of the mountain the other day and saw the yellow of forsythia and daffodils just starting to show. But I know that the beautiful redbuds, the cherry blossoms, the tulips, and the azaleas will soon be out in full bloom, and I will once again feel alive.

Cabin fever will soon be abated in our house, Lord willing! All winter long, the kids are pretty much cooped up inside our small house, but the warmer weather brings with it time in the play yard with the swing set, trees to climb, a sand box, and a play house. For the older children, bike rides become a regular thing. And for me, walking our country neighborhood roads becomes a joy.

Yes, I’ve had cabin fever, too, and I’ve been enjoying the warming of the weather. The other day I watched a mother bird land with a beakful of sticks as she pondered a place to build her nest. It’s time to do some nest-building inside, too. It’s time to do some spring cleaning and start getting ready for a baby! :-)

Posted in Daily Life

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Where do I go to resign?

March 17th, 2009

“Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.” Philippians 1:6

Have you ever had one of those days when you felt like a complete failure? A day when the kids aren’t doing what they’re supposed to be doing, the house is a disaster, and the whining, bickering, and fighting seem unending?

This morning, I was having one of those days. I locked myself into my room to have a pity party. (I knew that I would be interrupted by a little one wanting to give me a hug or something if I hadn’t locked the door!) As tears of frustration rolled down my cheeks, I wondered why the Lord thought that I should be entrusted with another baby when I couldn’t even do a good job with the children I already had. Poor me. I just wanted to walk out the door and escape, because it was obvious that I couldn’t do what was expected of me.

Then, out of the blue, a tune started running through my head, and I was hearing the words to an old Steve Green song. ”He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it…”

Okay, so I’m not anywhere near the mother I want to be and my children haven’t come close to achieving the perfection that I want for them. The truth is that it isn’t MY work being done. The Lord is performing a work in me and in my children. He began the work in us, and has promised to complete it. He didn’t give a time frame for completing it, and I can’t give up in discouragement when it isn’t completed overnight or even over a period of 18 years.

It seems that there are far too many lessons that have to be repeated in my life over and over again, but that is not the fault of the One doing the work. That fault lies squarely with me. I get frustrated at times when it seems that one of my children is being thickheaded about learning something that I am trying to teach them, but I am thickheaded far to often when the Lord is trying to teach me something, too. The Lord hasn’t given up on me, but has promised to complete the work. Likewise, I should continue in patience as I seek to teach my children.

After a few minutes of reflection, I unlocked my door and called all of the children together. I asked them if they ever felt like failures, and admitted my shortcomings to them. I then shared the above verse with them, asked for their forgiveness for my failures with them, and encouraged them to remember that the Lord is also doing a work in each of them.

No, the rest of the day hasn’t been all roses. However, there has been a sense of hope, and things are much more in order than they were earlier!

Posted in Mothers, Reliance on the Lord, The Christian Life

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